How to encourage open dialogue

Dialogue is a way to rediscover and nurture connections with others. It is a form of communication that differs from normal conversation, debate, or discussion. Dialogue is the interchange of ideas in an open and honest manner, a discovery process that allows for new ways of understanding and making sense.

Here are a few suggestions for how to encourage dialogue.

1. Be honest. Honesty has to do not only with what you say, but with your authenticity and integrity. It first requires honesty with yourself. To have honest conversations, you need to take off your masks and present your authentic self. Then, share with integrity your thoughts and feelings.

2. Use tact. Honesty and tact need to go hand in hand. Honesty without tact can become cruelty. Tact without honesty leads to shallow, devious, hypocritical interactions. When honesty and tact go together, it’s a winning combination. Having tact is to use the appropriate words, at the appropriate moment, in an appropriate way. It requires the patience and discipline to think before talking. It requires choosing the right time to open the conversation. It demands kindness and sensibility to the feelings of the other person.

3. Keep to the point. It is easier to sustain an open conversation if you keep clarity. Focusing on one issue at a time makes a difficult conversation more manageable. Especially if what you are talking about is potentially controversial.

4. Don’t accuse or attack. People become defensive if they feel you are attacking them. You can be honest about feelings, perceptions, situations, and behaviors, without resorting to cutting remarks about the person. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements also helps here.

5. Encourage exchanges of information and opinions. The flow of accurate information encourages trust. Providing forums for the exchange of opinions and for honest feedback creates a culture of openness.

6. Listen with respect. People will not dare to express their honest opinions unless they know you will listen with respect, even if you do not agree with them. Make sure you don’t interrupt, answering before the speaker has finished. Listening with respect is much more than “active listening.” It signals that you value people and their ideas.

7. Don’t assume. Do not react based on assumptions without checking them first. You might think you know what the other means, but at least 50% of the time you will be wrong. Learn to identify your assumptions and to verify if the other agrees with the meaning you have ascribed to their words.

It is better to bring assumptions into the open to be examined and discussed. Ask more questions. Share your assumptions behind your conclusions. Check them out to make sure everybody is really agreeing or disagreeing to the same thing.

Remember. . .

Dialogue requires effort concentration and practice. If you encourage open dialogue consistently, there will be more exchange of ideas, connections will be stronger, and people will learn from each other.